Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come with...

Motherhood should come with disclaimers. My first disclaimer: I've only been a mom for six weeks and five days. (See, I'm such a new mom I'm still counting the days!) I was a mom before he was born, but this is totally different.

Disclaimer number one: motherhood is harder than you think. The crying, the crying, the crying. He doesn't speak English, and I don't know what he wants! The poop. The gas. The fussing. This is hard work, and it's more about unseating my Self as my idol.

Disclaimer number two: motherhood will slow you down. It takes time to get into the car, time to get out of the car, time to load the car seat into the grocery cart, time to change the diaper, time to clean up from changing the diaper. Lest I sound like a complaint machine, the slowing down is also good. There's time for nursing: 20-30 minutes to hang out with my boy while he eats. While he eats, we cuddle. There's time to rock him to sleep and feel his little body relax. There's time to sing lullabies. Time to shush. Time to cuddle. Time to pray. Time to meditate on the words of Scripture that keep me alive...I draw it in, as he draws in his food.

Disclaimer number three: motherhood will change you. I'm changed already. My body shows off that I worked hard to build him and bring him here. My stretch marks are in the pattern of a heart: see, baby? See how I bear on my body the marks of sacrifice? My incision is there, the red scar of opening to release the boy into his adventure. See, baby? See how much I love you? My heart already has stretches and scars as he barges into my life. See, baby? See how my heart stretches to allow someone else to order my days?

Disclaimer number four: (I'm totally past five minutes now, but I'm on a roll and the baby is quiet.) Motherhood brings a mirror into your life. All the work, all the soothing, all the feeding and the leaking and the lanolin, all the crying, all the diapers...all of it teaches me about God's perfection as a parent. If not for you, baby, I'd miss out of this depth of love and the deeper knowledge of God's love for me. Oh, how he feeds me. Oh, how he cares for me. Keeps me warm, keeps me clean, keeps me soothed. Oh, how I fuss at him...but he perfectly, patiently cares for me. Oh, the depths of the riches and wisdom of God! How unsearchable his judgment, and his paths beyond tracing out.

There's the baby, waking and grunting for food. Krista out.

10 on the 10th: January 2011

So it's one day late.  Mrs. B, my pre-school teacher, had it right: 'struggles with prompt completion of task.'  Oh well...I'm getting better!

1.  I don't have any formal Resolutions for this fresh new year...but I do have some goals:
A.  Continue plugging away at the calendarizing organization.  I struggle with remembering obligations, with planning ahead, with completing tasks.  I've got to stay on top of my calendar or everything falls apart!
B.  Lose all the baby weight + more by the end of this year.  Baby's coming in March (if he's late, it might even be April!), and I'll have 9-10 months to lose all this mass + more.  I have a secret goal in mind (I told my husband the number, but nobody else knows), and I'll let you know how it goes.
C.  Document more.  I have a Baby's First Year calendar that has stickers (I love stickers!  The fad in 4th or 5th grade was collecting stickers in sticker albums and that was awesome!) and I realllllllly want to stay on that.  I also want to document my own feelings, emotions, and responses to what will be a Very Momentous Year.

2.  Today is Day 2 of 2 Snow Days.  Yesterday was a nice treat to sleep in and hang around all day with my husband, but today I'm getting a little cabin feverish.  Sheesh.  Plus we're getting low on milk, so I may have to cut back on one of my pregnancy cravings: a bowl of Crispix cereal every evening.

3.  Speaking of Pregnancy Cravings, I can't say as I've had any new/unusual cravings.  (Pickles and ice cream?  Bean burritos?  Nope.)  I can report that EVERYthing tastes better (blame it on all that estrogen in my body) so I'm savoring everything.  I can still gobble down the cookies/candy/sweets, but I've really been enjoying a few things in particular:
A.  Store Brand No-Sugar-Added Apple Juice.  So. Good.  It tastes so apple-y!
B.  Crispix with milk.  In the evening.  Instead of dessert after dinner.
C.  Apples.  Fuji apples in particular.  Juicy, crisp, crunchy, tart, sweet....oh man.

4.  The nicest thing about this snow has been the way it reflects the sky.  Instead of a drab brown ground, the ground has been coated with lovely snow, which changes color all day long.  It's starting to get that bluish tinge right now: it's almost 5 and the sun is going to bed, bringing the blueness of the night winter sky with it.  Bonus:  There is still snow on the tree branches, making the sky-snow blueness echo on the tree limbs as well.

5.  My favorite thing about winter is the loveliness of the leafless trees silhoutetted against the sky.  It's particularly wonderful in the evenings, when the sky changes colors and looks like a watercolor wash.

6.  We've been busy as bees, cleaning out boxes and boxes of Stuff, making room for our new family member who already has a lot of stuff (and we haven't even gotten his crib yet!).  Anyway, I came across some memorabilia from That Time I Lived in Hawaii.  I used to buy myself postcards, date them, and write something memorable on them--something descriptive--something I wanted to remember.  I found a sheaf of Hawaii Postcards and the memories I'd written there and I'm so thankful to have documented those thoughts!  I had a Very Sanctifying Life Experience while living there and am still sorting through repercussions of the sins committed against me, the same way boxes of old memorabilia need to be sorted through and purged.  But--what a blessing to have good memories documented on those Hawaii Postcards.  Because that season, like all seasons, was a mix of sanctifyingly hard and memorably happy.

7.  Other memorably pleasant things:  when I was a child and was home sick, I got to watch daytime TV.  Some very rare times, Dad was sick too and stayed home with me.  We watched The Price is Right together.  I still think of those sick days when I watch The Price is Right.

8.  You know what else Dad and I watched together once, that season when I lived at home after I graduated from college?  We watched an entire season of The Bachelor together.  Yes, yes we did.  And we both got into it.

9.  I came across the season premiere of The Bachelor the other day and it made me wish I could live near my parents again, because I'd so totally watch this season with Dad.  He'd join me too--last week when I was still on Christmas Vacation the TV Network was promoting the crap out of it (*slap!* 'That's from every woman in America!' spoken in the voice Barbie would use if she had a voice) and we had a reminiscing moment.  Oh yes, we would totally watch this season together if we had the chance.  We'd pop popcorn and watch intently...the whole 9 yards.  Hah!

10.  Also, during my childhood, we watched Miss America every year.  Mom and Dad and Sister and Grandma and I all gathered around with pizza and Coke (or pizza and milk, if you were me) and even scorecards.  It was great.  And then that time I lived in Hawaii (I was so lonely!), Mom recorded it and we watched it 'together' by phone.  I watched the broadcast and she watched the tape and we were on the phone together for three. whole. hours.  Oh yes.  And I'm going to watch the crap out of it this Saturday, too--you can bet your bottom dollar.  Holla.

End-of-October Miscellany

:::We registered for baby stuff on Friday.
When we registered for wedding stuff 5 1/2 years ago, we had ONE DAY and we were in the store for 10 hours.  It's really hard work!  Friday, we spent about 2 hours deciding on a stroller 'system,' a pack-n-play, and some gender-neutral baby stuff.  Then I got tired of deciding and we moseyed over to the book department and registered for about 15 books.  Whee!

:::We find out the baby's gender really soon.
One of my brothers-in-law and his wife decided to wait till the baby came out to find out boyness or girlness.  There's no WAY we can wait that long!  I can barely wait till Christmas to open my presents, and this is much more of a big deal than a present...it's a baby!  So we can't wait to find out.

:::Dude, it's November soon.
Yikes.  I need to get back on the Christmas-crafing bandwagon.  I've totally fallen off since...well...since I found out I was having this baby.  (I had shockingly little energy for a long time!)

:::Knowing if it's a boy or a girl in there brings us closer to deciding the baby's name.
It'll divide our short lists in half.

:::I find myself surprisingly easily annoyed by little things.
Elevator music.  Cheap PA systems in stores and the muffled voices that are relayed over them.  Slow drive-through lines.  Slooooow people moseying when I want to hurry.  That kind of stuff.  On the other hand, I also find myself more easily amused; dumb jokes make me happier.  And on yet another hand, spotting a baby captivates me more.  (My days at work are like roller-coaster rides.  Repetetive music?  Check.  People who walk slowly?  Check.  Babies?  Check, check, and check.  [Look at that cute baby!])

:::And lastly, I don't understand that backhand-slap advice.
It may be that I'm more easily annoyed, but people, there has got to be a difference between well-meaning (if unsolicited) advice and unkind, fear-inspiring prophecies of doom. 

I get that many women want to reminisce about their pregnancies.  I get that when they ask, "Are you nauseous?" they really want to know and so I tell them the unvarnished truth.  (And it's not pretty...but it's like pulling off a scab: you just feel compelled.)  I am thankful that my friends and family love me, and I'm thankful for their kind, gracious, encouraging advice. 

But every now and then someone asks "How are you," hears my answer, and follows it up with something along the lines of "Just wait until ___."  Sheesh.  If I'm clearly uncomfortable now, why do you think your gloomy, Eeyore-ish pronouncement is helpful?  Please be kind.  At least tell me something I need to hear, even if it's trite.  Here are some suggestions: 
*It's all worth it. 
*When you hold that baby in your arms, all of this struggle will be eclipsed. 
*God's grace is sufficient even for this. 
*Christ in you strengthens you for any challenge.
*Oooh, I understand.
*That sounds hard.  I know you can make it!

::If you worry if the previous rant was directed at you, it probably wasn't.

Babywearing contest

I just read about this contest to win an Ergo babycarrier.

I'd love to win it, dudes.
I love the idea of carrying your baby as much as possible but keeping your hands free for things like dishwashing and laundry (when I'm doing chores) and for things like taking photos and holding on to my hiking sticks (when I'm walking with baby and my babydaddy).
I've seen so many babywearers at the children's museum where I work and all the babies seem content and satisfied to be with the family and yet able to see and observe all there is to see.

Good luck to me!

It's a .... Baby!

I'll just come out and say it.  I'm pregnant.  That's the big change coming down the pike for us.

Until today, this pregnancy hasn't really seemed real.  Let me explain.  I like the idea of a baby in March, and I know everything will change, and I trust that I'll be happy as a mom, but it's been .... a little .... unreal.  I know factually that there's a person growing and getting ready to meet the world, but my experience of this pregnancy so far has been 1) fatigue 2) nausea and 3) lots and lots of advice (95% of which is welcome!).

So today's doctor visit and ultrasound was amazing.  My husband got to come...he took time off work to come and see the ultrasound...and you would not believe how baby-ish that little fetus is!  It has arms and legs and fingers! And it was moving around: arching its back, moving its hips, waving its arms, kicking its legs!

Now it seems like there's a baby in there.  I'm getting excited.

My Kindergarten Report Card was Accurate

One thing (among many) that my kindergarten teacher was right about was her assessment of my ability to complete tasks.  The category was "Prompt Completion of Task" and she accurately graded me with "room to improve" or some other positive way of saying that I wasn't good at completing a task.

It's a burden.  Those that know me and care for me tell me that I have many, many wonderful skills; I struggle with concentrating on the good when the 'room for improvement' skills discourage me as much as they do.

I have seen great improvement in myself over the last several years in lots of ways!  But my basic struggle with following through with a great idea is still there.

Well, this blog is still here, because I like it and I want it to continue, even though I haven't been really faithful to this little space.  I'm going to keep trying and trying; please bear with me.  I daresay the topics I write about will be the same, but I'll try to vary them a bit as well.

Thanks for staying with me!

Waiting

waitingwaitingwaiting.

waiting makes me nervous.

so im waiting nervously.

Olympics and Olympic fever

What a pleasure to watch the Olympics.  There's the whole 'Olympic spirit' thing and the fantasy that Sport will heal the nations*, which sure is a nice idea nontheless.  There's the idea that these athletes have worked hard their entire lives to get to where they are.  That they even get to compete is an honor, because these are the best in the world. Period. There's the hopes and dreams of nations with their national pride (yes, and nationalism) riding on the success of the athletes.  The emotional side of the games...these are people competing, people with loves and hopes and fears and goals, just like us.  It's amazing.

My family of origin is a sports family.  I've seen so many Broncos games, Rockies games, Rapids games, and even Nuggets games on TV.  Many in person as well.  I must admit I don't really like regular sports.  I don't get a lot of the rules and very little of the strategy makes sense to me.  I don't like watching a game and having people yell and scream...yet for these games I've yelled and screamed.

Joannie Rochette, the Canadian women's figure skater who skated on even in the death of her mother.
Kim Yu-Na and her lovely, graceful perfection even in the midst of so much pressure from her home country.
The Chinese pairs figure skaters, Shen and Xhao, who finally won gold!
Steve Holcomb, the American bobsled pilot who A) isn't blind because of an amazing elective surgery and B) won gold by a large** margin.

Everyone has a story like these.  And it's stories like these that make me love the Olympics.

---

*The Bible says that Christ alone will heal the nations.  That's why I say that Sport healing the nations is a fantasy.
**He won by, like, half a second.  That's hardly any time in the real world, but a giant margin in bobsledding.

Upcoming posts

Olympics and Olympic fever
Parenting (no this is not a pregnancy announcement)
Paper journaling
My job is awesome and here is a paragraph (or two or three) telling everyone why

Long Time No Write

Readers:

It has been a long time.  I haven't forgotten about writing here.  To be honest, I've felt as if I haven't had much to write about.  This isn't true, I know, because you can write about anything...but I haven't really had words flowing out of me when I've sat down to write.  If you know me, you know I'm not very disciplined; blogging takes discipline and focus.  I'm lacking in discipline.

I digress.  I'll write a few small posts this evening as I sit and watch the closing ceremonies, and hopefully over the next few months I'll have more time and energy and desire and focus to sit and write.

Shelter...January 8

Psalm 11 (ESV)
In the LORD I take refuge;
how can you say to my soul,
"Flee like a bird to your mountain,
for behold, the wicked bend the bow;
they have fitted their arrow to the string
to shoot in the dark at the upright in heart;
if the foundations are destroyed,
what can the righteous do?"

The LORD is in his holy temple;
the LORD's throne is in heaven;
his eyes see, his eyelids test, the children of man.
The LORD tests the rightous,
but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.
Let him rain coals on the wicked;
fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of thier cup.
For the LORD is righteous;
he loves righeous deeds;
the upright shall behold his face.

Shelter...January 2

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:9-10

New Year 2010

I'm not big into resolutions, but last year I read a blog about a woman's decision to choose a word of the year: a theme, if you will. This, combined with my 2010 calendar choice, made me realize that my theme for this new year should be...are you ready?
Shelter.
I like it. Simple, easy, and a lot to ponder.
Who is my shelter?
How am I sheltered?
What am I sheltered from?
For what purpose am I sheltered?
And so on. We shall see what we shall see.
Sent from my iPod

The Last 7 Days

Any of you who know me in real life will know that I'm not exactly excited to turn 30. I'm turning 30 in just 7 days.

All my previous birthdays have been exciting and kind of...glowy...in the same way the Christmas Season glows. "May all your days be merry and bright." But this year I'm fighting reality. I don't want to go over this hill. Yes, many have told me their thirties were better than their twenties. Yes, I know people who are well past thirty snicker at me for resisting this birthday. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to turn thirty.

Why? I know why. But I don't want to publish them so all the internets everywhere can read them. (And all the over-30 internets can snicker at me.) I just want to relate them to myself. You know what else? I know why I resist this birthday, but I also don't know why. I do and I don't.

Sheesh. Well, the closer I get the less it seems to loom. Maybe at that exact tick when I change from being 29 to being 30, I won't feel any different. Do people change from one second to another? (Yes. They do. But this won't be a tragedy that changes my life...it'll just be time marching on.)

I've been documenting a lot of personal, internal changes that have snuck up on me in the last 18 months or so. I have changed in the last couple years. I foresee those changes shaping my life more in this next decade than just the ticking of a clock.

things I do not love

aka, Things I Am Tired Of

::Crocheting. I started working on Christmas presents last February and, while I love the people who are getting these presents, I'm tiredtiredtired of crocheting. My hands are tired of it (my right thumb especially is getting sore), my mind is tired of it, and I'm done for now. But the projects they are almost done and when they are done I will be through with crocheting (at least for the next few years).

::Cooking/meal planning/getting dinner on the table. Enough of this, I want to go back to being a kid when someone else was responsible and stuff.

::Waking up at 3am with an annoying cough.

::Being far away from my family. I miss them.

::Bickering/debating/arguing with people about my religion. It's not the debating...it's when they interrupt me midsentence just to bicker back. When they don't listen to these life-giving words, but formulate their answer while I'm sharing the gospel of grace! Grrr! It makes me really mad (ironic, I know).