My parents gave me a Page-A-Day calendar for Christmas and I really enjoy it. It's the "365 Stupidest Things Ever Said" version. Would you like some jokes for your day? Read on...
"Is the south boundary of the north half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter the same line as the north boundary of the south half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter?"
(What? Could you rephrase the question, Alex?)
Signs on tables in a Chinese restaurant, New York City:
"WARNING: Tips for waitress not privilege off customer, and not optional to do! Is custimarry and IS THE LAW for leave tips, otherwise is possibul to face prostection by law! Please be responsivele, leave tip and no go jail! Have a nice day!"
Recorded on a hospital medical chart, as reported in Nursing magazine:
"The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three days a week."
(That's a misplaced modifier, doctor. Shall we operate?)