Links for 2011-05-20

Serious

:: The Tulip Girl posts this quote from Bryan Chapell, and not a moment too soon. I need this kind of encouragement.

::Some of you may know that my school days are among my least fasvorite memories. Here, Ann Voskamp writes about redemption for painful memories.

::You knit me together in my mother's womb. Click.

Silly

::Smiaguel. Hahahaha.

::A shorn alpaca.

Other

::Yumm. More in-a-jar baking.

::Families need each other. If it's true among the animals, how much more among us people?

7 Quick Takes 2011-05-11, Volume Three

::1:: Do you remember the movie The Emperor's New Groove? All it took for the wicked king to realize his humility and the dignity of each person was to be turned into a llama for a few days. The movie is so.funny. I am relating to it these days...I want my groove back, and Baby keeps interrupting my groove. Perhaps I am simply too idolatrous of My Groove and need to realign my heart to God's priorities: to serve and love others. Sigh. Sanctification is good...but it stinks.

::2:: I've gotten a lot less fussy about stains. I've got milk on my shirt all the time, whether fresh milk, slightly old milk, or slightly digested milk. If Baby spits up on me...meh, I'll wash the shirt. (He's not much of a spitter-upper, thankfully.) If Baby spits up on Husband...oh boy, get the man a clean washcloth, because YUCK.

::3:: In Baby News, do you know what his new skill is!?!? Smiling! He smiles at me at least once a day, and has smiled at his Daddy twice...both times on purpose. What a thrill. I know the emotion was in his heart but we humans are communicators, and it's nice to see the affection on Baby's face, a connection between his heart and mine. Yay. Oh, yay!

::4:: We're going on a road trip in a few weeks. Will Baby make it, strapped in his car seat for 6-8 hours a day (except for food/diaper breaks)? We shall see.

::5:: This road trip...we're headed West to Colorado and Kansas. In Colorado, the plan is to go to Vail for the Teva Mountain Games. We need to bring winter clothes for Baby because it snowed there last night. (And the temperature is to hit 90 degrees here at home today.) Winter clothes? In June?

::6:: I was asked months ago to write for a Pro-Life blog. It was founded by a man in my church, a very logical, absent-minded-professor type. I'd be the only woman writing for it. I was unmotivated to write during my pregnancy, but now I'm fomenting some thoughts for that venue. Perhaps I'l take the plunge after all.

::7:: You know those laundry bags you buy for small items and unmentionables? I bought one the other day for baby socks, because I read somewhere that they can get sucked into your washing mashine drain and clog up the works...anyway, I love it. It was 97 cents (of course I didn't buy the name brand, are you kidding?), and I love it. I'm going to buy several for my mom. (Why? Because she loses socks in her dryer. It's truly amazing. I remember being a girl, and about once every six months, we'd dump out the lawn and leaf bag [yes, the lawn and leaf bag] onto her bed and try to match some socks. Neither my sister nor I have ever lost any socks in the laundry in our own homes...it has got to be something with her dryer.) She'll be able to wash clothes and put all the socks in a sack and hopefully they'll all come out of the dryer.

Tuesday, May 17: Upon Daddy's Return from the Hinterland

(How could I have missed the 15th, the Ides of May?)

What a weekend with my husband gone for the weekend. It was ok, single-momming it, but also hard work. There was no backup. I had to think of everything! As a result, for example, we got to church with the potluck food, both if us dressed (Baby a little casual but still more fancified than for a weekday), I remembered the snugli...but I forgot my Bible (!). And my friend's casserole dish (that I had washed up the night before and set out so I wouldn't forget it). But...the diaper bag was restocked, we were both clean and dressed, and we were there. So there.

Yesterday we (Baby and I) spent 6 hours in the car. We ran an errand to a department store to buy a fitted sheet to replace the old one. It was so threadbare that my toe ripped a hole in it while I was turning over. (Goodbye, wedding-gift-sheet. Six years is no mean feat.) then we loaded up to go get Daddy at the Atlanta airport but had to take the garbage to the dumpster first (which is, inefficiently enough, in the smack other direction, but it had to be done.) Baby and I went straight from there to the airport, with a stop on the way for a feed and cuddle. We made it to the airport, but Baby was crying and Mommy was frazzled. Still, we loaded Baby into the snugli and headed in for the big reunion.

We (all three of us!) loaded into the car and drove northwards; Baby fell asleep (finally) but Mommy was hungry, so we stopped for food and a feed, waking Baby up in the process. He never settled in again, but once we got home I changed his diaper and fed him and cuddled him and laid him in his little bed for leg kicking and freedom of movement... and he fell asleep. So tired was he that he put himself to sleep!

Whew. After all that, Baby and I slept in this morning. Now he is napping. Instead of being tough-as-nails mommY that makes him fall asleep on his own for his fielder nap, today I rocked him to sleep and am still holding him as he sleeps. Why? Because I want to, because we spent 6 hours in the car yesterday, because he's so peaceful after a busybusy hardworking day yesterday. We both need some down-time and together time.

Baby's starting to rouse, so I'll close this blog entry. Thank you for reading.

Evening Prayer, May 14

Lord, as this child of mine is soothed by my rocking and singing...just by my presence...may I, too, rest on your chest and grow peaceful because you are there.

As Baby struggles against, and then is calmed by, the swaddling blanket I wrap around him, may the bounds you have placed around me calm me instead of frustaring me.

Dear Jesus, though I struggle and often fail to love and care for this child (an eternal soul! entrusted to me!), I know that your love and care for me are always perfect.

Amen.

Savoring This Little Moment

I'm tucking this moment away.

It's cooled down enough to open the windows. I can hear crickets and peeper frogs. Also, a dog is barking. And I'll hear a train whistle sooner or later.

Baby is lying on my belly. He's so tall already; he won't fit on top of me that much longer. His breathing and little stretches and little body adjustments...perfect.

Five Minute Friday: Deep Breath...

Deep Breath...

In, out, in, out. Deep breathing is calming, relaxing. It loosens those tight shoulder muscles and cramped neck muscles, the ones that are knotty from holding, feeding, cuddling, calming a baby. In, out, in, out.

Deep breath: every breath belongs to you, Jesus. You, Holy Spirit, hovered over the waters in the beginning. Father, you took dirt and made us. Jesus, you Inspired us, gave us our first breaths.

God, you gave this baby his first breaths too. I consider the bronchia and the alveoli and the Oxygen-Carbon Dioxide exchange and wonder at how fearfully and wonderfully made we are. Breathing, it comes so naturally. How can such a mysterious, life-giving activity be so easy?

Breathing brings life to each body cell. It slows the mind. It calms the heart. When I find my tension rising, my anger building, my frustration mounting, breathing (take a deep breath...in, out, in, out) regulates those responses. Deep breathing eased some of the tension and discomfort on Labor Day (the biggest, most changeful, most momentous day of my life) and does the same now.

Lord, when I'm trapped in the miry clay of my earthy, worldly self, I breathe deeply, breathe the breath you granted me, the breath you designed me to take while I myself was being fearfully and wonderfully made, knitted together in my own mother's womb...I breathe deeply and am reminded that without you and your divine inspiration, I am nothing but crumbling dust.

Culture Shock

When I first dove up to Bramasole with the real estate agent, I jokingly said, "This is it."

This is it. I was oblivious to the phenomenal changes I was entering as that rusted gate opened, and I saw the sunrise tints of the house's facade, colors that have diverse a shiver of wonder every time I have looked up since then. I went to Italy for the cypress-lined lanes, the vibrancy of the piazzas, the pure Romanesque churches in the country, the cuisine, the history. I stayed for the never-ending festa of everyday life among the most hospitable people on earth. I made a home here, without really meaning to--the place took hold of me and shaped me in its image.

How did I let this happen? There are many crux marks in one's life, small ones and large. To take a decision, my friend Fulvio says, his usage much more precise than the grammatical make. To take a decision also takes you. Even though when I stepped out of that car I did not know how my life would change, I did sense something at that moment. I wanted an aperture, an opportunity to merge with something limitless. I, in the dullness of my ignorance, was willing.

And Italy has proven to be inexhaustible. To take the gift of a new and very old country--a whole other sphere of language, literature, history, architecture, art: it falls over me like a shower of gold. It is paradoxical but true that something that takes you out of yourself also restores you to yourself with greater freedom. A passionate interest also has a true-north needle that keeps you focused. The excitement of exploration sprang me from a life I knew how to live into a challenging space where I was forced--and overjoyed--to invent each day.

Imagine this quote discussing parenthood instead of life in Italy.


Mayes, Frances. Every Day in Tuscany: Seasons of an Italian Life. New York: Broadway Books, 2010. pp.7-8.

Re-entering the Blogging Realm

Here I am again.

I'd like to get back into writing and posting...

It's been a while since I've looked over my sidebar. (Yikes.) I'm going to start the cleanup by deleting it all and re-posting only blogs I actually read.

In this Moment

Right now I am lying on the sofa with Baby napping on my chest. He fussed and squirmed for a while, and cried his tired cry, but didn't nap. So I broke a rule: I nursed him then let him drift off to sleep. And now, instead of helping him learn to sleep on his own, I'm just laying here on the sofa, with Baby napping on my chest.

He's grown so much in these 7 weeks (7 weeks ago you were still inside me? 7 weeks ago, at 1:51, I was getting a bolus of IV fluid in preparation for my epidural?)...he's grown so much in these 7 weeks and I know the time will soon come that he doesn't fit on my chest and will have troubles that pure cuddles won't cure. So I lay here on the sofa with Baby napping on my chest. He breathes, sighs, dreams of nursing, and I'm working at pondering all these things in my heart.

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come with...

Motherhood should come with disclaimers. My first disclaimer: I've only been a mom for six weeks and five days. (See, I'm such a new mom I'm still counting the days!) I was a mom before he was born, but this is totally different.

Disclaimer number one: motherhood is harder than you think. The crying, the crying, the crying. He doesn't speak English, and I don't know what he wants! The poop. The gas. The fussing. This is hard work, and it's more about unseating my Self as my idol.

Disclaimer number two: motherhood will slow you down. It takes time to get into the car, time to get out of the car, time to load the car seat into the grocery cart, time to change the diaper, time to clean up from changing the diaper. Lest I sound like a complaint machine, the slowing down is also good. There's time for nursing: 20-30 minutes to hang out with my boy while he eats. While he eats, we cuddle. There's time to rock him to sleep and feel his little body relax. There's time to sing lullabies. Time to shush. Time to cuddle. Time to pray. Time to meditate on the words of Scripture that keep me alive...I draw it in, as he draws in his food.

Disclaimer number three: motherhood will change you. I'm changed already. My body shows off that I worked hard to build him and bring him here. My stretch marks are in the pattern of a heart: see, baby? See how I bear on my body the marks of sacrifice? My incision is there, the red scar of opening to release the boy into his adventure. See, baby? See how much I love you? My heart already has stretches and scars as he barges into my life. See, baby? See how my heart stretches to allow someone else to order my days?

Disclaimer number four: (I'm totally past five minutes now, but I'm on a roll and the baby is quiet.) Motherhood brings a mirror into your life. All the work, all the soothing, all the feeding and the leaking and the lanolin, all the crying, all the diapers...all of it teaches me about God's perfection as a parent. If not for you, baby, I'd miss out of this depth of love and the deeper knowledge of God's love for me. Oh, how he feeds me. Oh, how he cares for me. Keeps me warm, keeps me clean, keeps me soothed. Oh, how I fuss at him...but he perfectly, patiently cares for me. Oh, the depths of the riches and wisdom of God! How unsearchable his judgment, and his paths beyond tracing out.

There's the baby, waking and grunting for food. Krista out.

10 on the 10th: January 2011

So it's one day late.  Mrs. B, my pre-school teacher, had it right: 'struggles with prompt completion of task.'  Oh well...I'm getting better!

1.  I don't have any formal Resolutions for this fresh new year...but I do have some goals:
A.  Continue plugging away at the calendarizing organization.  I struggle with remembering obligations, with planning ahead, with completing tasks.  I've got to stay on top of my calendar or everything falls apart!
B.  Lose all the baby weight + more by the end of this year.  Baby's coming in March (if he's late, it might even be April!), and I'll have 9-10 months to lose all this mass + more.  I have a secret goal in mind (I told my husband the number, but nobody else knows), and I'll let you know how it goes.
C.  Document more.  I have a Baby's First Year calendar that has stickers (I love stickers!  The fad in 4th or 5th grade was collecting stickers in sticker albums and that was awesome!) and I realllllllly want to stay on that.  I also want to document my own feelings, emotions, and responses to what will be a Very Momentous Year.

2.  Today is Day 2 of 2 Snow Days.  Yesterday was a nice treat to sleep in and hang around all day with my husband, but today I'm getting a little cabin feverish.  Sheesh.  Plus we're getting low on milk, so I may have to cut back on one of my pregnancy cravings: a bowl of Crispix cereal every evening.

3.  Speaking of Pregnancy Cravings, I can't say as I've had any new/unusual cravings.  (Pickles and ice cream?  Bean burritos?  Nope.)  I can report that EVERYthing tastes better (blame it on all that estrogen in my body) so I'm savoring everything.  I can still gobble down the cookies/candy/sweets, but I've really been enjoying a few things in particular:
A.  Store Brand No-Sugar-Added Apple Juice.  So. Good.  It tastes so apple-y!
B.  Crispix with milk.  In the evening.  Instead of dessert after dinner.
C.  Apples.  Fuji apples in particular.  Juicy, crisp, crunchy, tart, sweet....oh man.

4.  The nicest thing about this snow has been the way it reflects the sky.  Instead of a drab brown ground, the ground has been coated with lovely snow, which changes color all day long.  It's starting to get that bluish tinge right now: it's almost 5 and the sun is going to bed, bringing the blueness of the night winter sky with it.  Bonus:  There is still snow on the tree branches, making the sky-snow blueness echo on the tree limbs as well.

5.  My favorite thing about winter is the loveliness of the leafless trees silhoutetted against the sky.  It's particularly wonderful in the evenings, when the sky changes colors and looks like a watercolor wash.

6.  We've been busy as bees, cleaning out boxes and boxes of Stuff, making room for our new family member who already has a lot of stuff (and we haven't even gotten his crib yet!).  Anyway, I came across some memorabilia from That Time I Lived in Hawaii.  I used to buy myself postcards, date them, and write something memorable on them--something descriptive--something I wanted to remember.  I found a sheaf of Hawaii Postcards and the memories I'd written there and I'm so thankful to have documented those thoughts!  I had a Very Sanctifying Life Experience while living there and am still sorting through repercussions of the sins committed against me, the same way boxes of old memorabilia need to be sorted through and purged.  But--what a blessing to have good memories documented on those Hawaii Postcards.  Because that season, like all seasons, was a mix of sanctifyingly hard and memorably happy.

7.  Other memorably pleasant things:  when I was a child and was home sick, I got to watch daytime TV.  Some very rare times, Dad was sick too and stayed home with me.  We watched The Price is Right together.  I still think of those sick days when I watch The Price is Right.

8.  You know what else Dad and I watched together once, that season when I lived at home after I graduated from college?  We watched an entire season of The Bachelor together.  Yes, yes we did.  And we both got into it.

9.  I came across the season premiere of The Bachelor the other day and it made me wish I could live near my parents again, because I'd so totally watch this season with Dad.  He'd join me too--last week when I was still on Christmas Vacation the TV Network was promoting the crap out of it (*slap!* 'That's from every woman in America!' spoken in the voice Barbie would use if she had a voice) and we had a reminiscing moment.  Oh yes, we would totally watch this season together if we had the chance.  We'd pop popcorn and watch intently...the whole 9 yards.  Hah!

10.  Also, during my childhood, we watched Miss America every year.  Mom and Dad and Sister and Grandma and I all gathered around with pizza and Coke (or pizza and milk, if you were me) and even scorecards.  It was great.  And then that time I lived in Hawaii (I was so lonely!), Mom recorded it and we watched it 'together' by phone.  I watched the broadcast and she watched the tape and we were on the phone together for three. whole. hours.  Oh yes.  And I'm going to watch the crap out of it this Saturday, too--you can bet your bottom dollar.  Holla.

End-of-October Miscellany

:::We registered for baby stuff on Friday.
When we registered for wedding stuff 5 1/2 years ago, we had ONE DAY and we were in the store for 10 hours.  It's really hard work!  Friday, we spent about 2 hours deciding on a stroller 'system,' a pack-n-play, and some gender-neutral baby stuff.  Then I got tired of deciding and we moseyed over to the book department and registered for about 15 books.  Whee!

:::We find out the baby's gender really soon.
One of my brothers-in-law and his wife decided to wait till the baby came out to find out boyness or girlness.  There's no WAY we can wait that long!  I can barely wait till Christmas to open my presents, and this is much more of a big deal than a present...it's a baby!  So we can't wait to find out.

:::Dude, it's November soon.
Yikes.  I need to get back on the Christmas-crafing bandwagon.  I've totally fallen off since...well...since I found out I was having this baby.  (I had shockingly little energy for a long time!)

:::Knowing if it's a boy or a girl in there brings us closer to deciding the baby's name.
It'll divide our short lists in half.

:::I find myself surprisingly easily annoyed by little things.
Elevator music.  Cheap PA systems in stores and the muffled voices that are relayed over them.  Slow drive-through lines.  Slooooow people moseying when I want to hurry.  That kind of stuff.  On the other hand, I also find myself more easily amused; dumb jokes make me happier.  And on yet another hand, spotting a baby captivates me more.  (My days at work are like roller-coaster rides.  Repetetive music?  Check.  People who walk slowly?  Check.  Babies?  Check, check, and check.  [Look at that cute baby!])

:::And lastly, I don't understand that backhand-slap advice.
It may be that I'm more easily annoyed, but people, there has got to be a difference between well-meaning (if unsolicited) advice and unkind, fear-inspiring prophecies of doom. 

I get that many women want to reminisce about their pregnancies.  I get that when they ask, "Are you nauseous?" they really want to know and so I tell them the unvarnished truth.  (And it's not pretty...but it's like pulling off a scab: you just feel compelled.)  I am thankful that my friends and family love me, and I'm thankful for their kind, gracious, encouraging advice. 

But every now and then someone asks "How are you," hears my answer, and follows it up with something along the lines of "Just wait until ___."  Sheesh.  If I'm clearly uncomfortable now, why do you think your gloomy, Eeyore-ish pronouncement is helpful?  Please be kind.  At least tell me something I need to hear, even if it's trite.  Here are some suggestions: 
*It's all worth it. 
*When you hold that baby in your arms, all of this struggle will be eclipsed. 
*God's grace is sufficient even for this. 
*Christ in you strengthens you for any challenge.
*Oooh, I understand.
*That sounds hard.  I know you can make it!

::If you worry if the previous rant was directed at you, it probably wasn't.

Babywearing contest

I just read about this contest to win an Ergo babycarrier.

I'd love to win it, dudes.
I love the idea of carrying your baby as much as possible but keeping your hands free for things like dishwashing and laundry (when I'm doing chores) and for things like taking photos and holding on to my hiking sticks (when I'm walking with baby and my babydaddy).
I've seen so many babywearers at the children's museum where I work and all the babies seem content and satisfied to be with the family and yet able to see and observe all there is to see.

Good luck to me!

It's a .... Baby!

I'll just come out and say it.  I'm pregnant.  That's the big change coming down the pike for us.

Until today, this pregnancy hasn't really seemed real.  Let me explain.  I like the idea of a baby in March, and I know everything will change, and I trust that I'll be happy as a mom, but it's been .... a little .... unreal.  I know factually that there's a person growing and getting ready to meet the world, but my experience of this pregnancy so far has been 1) fatigue 2) nausea and 3) lots and lots of advice (95% of which is welcome!).

So today's doctor visit and ultrasound was amazing.  My husband got to come...he took time off work to come and see the ultrasound...and you would not believe how baby-ish that little fetus is!  It has arms and legs and fingers! And it was moving around: arching its back, moving its hips, waving its arms, kicking its legs!

Now it seems like there's a baby in there.  I'm getting excited.

My Kindergarten Report Card was Accurate

One thing (among many) that my kindergarten teacher was right about was her assessment of my ability to complete tasks.  The category was "Prompt Completion of Task" and she accurately graded me with "room to improve" or some other positive way of saying that I wasn't good at completing a task.

It's a burden.  Those that know me and care for me tell me that I have many, many wonderful skills; I struggle with concentrating on the good when the 'room for improvement' skills discourage me as much as they do.

I have seen great improvement in myself over the last several years in lots of ways!  But my basic struggle with following through with a great idea is still there.

Well, this blog is still here, because I like it and I want it to continue, even though I haven't been really faithful to this little space.  I'm going to keep trying and trying; please bear with me.  I daresay the topics I write about will be the same, but I'll try to vary them a bit as well.

Thanks for staying with me!